The cycle of abuse makes it really easy for abusers to find partners, since the cycle includes a “honeymoon” phase, in which the perpetrator makes everything seem not just fine, but actually ideal and fantastic. So the people who they start dating are only seeing this one positive side to them before the cycle kicks into gear. The relationships virtually always start in “honeymoon phase” with, at the most, maybe a couple hints of something being off, but it’s not enough to set off any red flags or overshadow the otherwise positive attention/affection they are receiving. I hope that helps you understand.
This is why I don’t believe in a “honeymoon phase” in healthy relationships anymore. People in love should always have that paradise of love to let their heart come home to regardless. No fear attached.
The expression “when all is said and done” never really applies
to a situation like this one.
This work is never really done.
They call it the aftermath.
Like it’s wreckage you can clean up, an oil spill to skim off the ocean
or a town to rebuild after a hurricane,
when in reality nothing feels like reality anymore,
and nothing is able to fully be rebuilt or summoned from the ashes.
Inside every dream in which he’s touching you unwanted again
there’s another dream in which he touches you a second time
after you’ve already said no once.
Every nightmare is just a matryoshka of another.
You thought by being touched you could learn how to feel loved more
when in fact you’re just learning to feel loved less.
This work is never done. This work is never done.
You try to separate yourself from him, from even the parts of your skin
that made contact with his, like the Hubble Space Telescope made contact
with outer space, but you’re not a universe anymore,
that’s not how you feel anyway; you feel like there are no stars or galaxies
held inside you anymore, that you are nothing
but a black hole.
And this is the aftermath that you have to deal with,
alone in outer space while everyone else is pointing their own telescopes at you
taking photos of your “progress” in recovery
when all you really want is someone to hold your hand,
put down the camera, and tell you you can take as long as you need.
That one “no” should have been enough,
and the aftermath may really end up being forevermath
but you are strong enough to solve the equation.